So freaking hurtful can?
I really feel quite smouldered sometimes.
I feel like my parents can be so realistic and 狠毒 at the same time.
At dinner today, the topic somehow became focuded on my studies and I was proposing overseas and somehow, straight away, dad shoot me with "Why not just go local unis already. Just because you demand does not mean we are obliged to give it to you. Besides, if you have gotten a scholarship to go overseas then I have nothing to say la."
I was like WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?
Keep implying as though it was a mistake to raise such a stupid girl who seems to be spoilt and insensitive who also cannot make them proud all because she does not get a scholarship back. Haizz, they so 倒霉 to have me like that. I mean, how else would view it?
Which child can stand such god damn implications?
Every time, dad always spoke highly of kids who won scholarships of various fields and always telling us to 'inspire to be 1 one of them", He seriously thinks I am what?? A failure as a child? I had enough already.So sorry that your daughter is not born a genius to win back scholarships can?
Every time a parent keeps praising other children for being smart of course one would begin to feel inferior and self-esteemed is greatly reduced, no? It's just fucking annoying to hear my dad praising my younger cousins for being so 'intelligent'.
Me? I feel like my achievements mean nothing even if it was something acknowledged by others but my father would only go, "Oh. Good work"I feel it's even worse to be a girl because my dad has retained the old teachings. It's like no matter how good I am or I fare, I will always be 'not acknowledged' for anything.
Haa... I am so mad. Maybe that's another reason why I always dismiss my efforts as average and seem to want to work harder then anything else. Never mind. Not like it freaking matters...
I learnt that subtly dismissing any child again and again has detrimental effects in the long run.
Feel really 冤枉 like that la. Forget it, I will stop planning my future and just go with the flow la. I cannot plan anyway, the path I chose is always been shot down so yea, I am resigned to anything- even being a cleaner or something (Because I don't care anymore)
Anyway, had dinner yesterday on the 27th March went for dinner in celebration of maternal grandfather's birthday with relatives as well.
Even 三叔公 was remarking, "这个女孩不行了。连走路也像个男孩子。。。。" What? I was just striding?
Other then that, nothing much to report because like super busy and have half a mind to slack de.
I feel like my parents can be so realistic and 狠毒 at the same time.
At dinner today, the topic somehow became focuded on my studies and I was proposing overseas and somehow, straight away, dad shoot me with "Why not just go local unis already. Just because you demand does not mean we are obliged to give it to you. Besides, if you have gotten a scholarship to go overseas then I have nothing to say la."
I was like WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?
Keep implying as though it was a mistake to raise such a stupid girl who seems to be spoilt and insensitive who also cannot make them proud all because she does not get a scholarship back. Haizz, they so 倒霉 to have me like that. I mean, how else would view it?
Which child can stand such god damn implications?
Every time, dad always spoke highly of kids who won scholarships of various fields and always telling us to 'inspire to be 1 one of them", He seriously thinks I am what?? A failure as a child? I had enough already.
Every time a parent keeps praising other children for being smart of course one would begin to feel inferior and self-esteemed is greatly reduced, no? It's just fucking annoying to hear my dad praising my younger cousins for being so 'intelligent'.
Me? I feel like my achievements mean nothing even if it was something acknowledged by others but my father would only go, "Oh. Good work"I feel it's even worse to be a girl because my dad has retained the old teachings. It's like no matter how good I am or I fare, I will always be 'not acknowledged' for anything.
Haa... I am so mad. Maybe that's another reason why I always dismiss my efforts as average and seem to want to work harder then anything else. Never mind. Not like it freaking matters...
I learnt that subtly dismissing any child again and again has detrimental effects in the long run.
Feel really 冤枉 like that la. Forget it, I will stop planning my future and just go with the flow la. I cannot plan anyway, the path I chose is always been shot down so yea, I am resigned to anything- even being a cleaner or something (Because I don't care anymore)
Anyway, had dinner yesterday on the 27th March went for dinner in celebration of maternal grandfather's birthday with relatives as well.
Even 三叔公 was remarking, "这个女孩不行了。连走路也像个男孩子。。。。" What? I was just striding?
Other then that, nothing much to report because like super busy and have half a mind to slack de.
"Forget it, I will stop planning my future and just go with the flow la. I cannot plan anyway, the path I chose is always been shot down so yea, I am resigned to anything- even being a cleaner or something (Because I don't care anymore)"
ReplyDeleteThis is very unbecoming of you, and please don't ask me why. I just find it odd to see this statement coming from somebody as strong-willed as yourself.
Mind you, conmen wouldn't exist if they gave up after failing to swindle people so many times. The reason they succeed is either because they are either extremely persistent or persuasive, usually both.
...that's not a very good example, is it?
This is but a taste of what happens if you do not conform to the views of others around you. It's not exactly a bad thing, but only the strongest will be able to defy it, and if you can defy it to the end, kudos to you.
While I do not blame the government for being indirectly responsible for creating such a paper-oriented culture (they had no choice; it was either this or strife), I'm far more disillusioned with the populace at large than you might think.
I, for one, hate forcing opinions on other people, or forcing them to work to my wishes. Have you ever wondered why, despite being capable of giving directions, I've always shied away from taking a leadership role? This is why. I've learned enough about myself to know that I cannot be trusted with such power, because I will most definitely misuse it to the detriment of the people below me.
I think I'm done commenting about this here. In a nutshell, this is your life. You only have one chance; take it or leave it, and if you leave it, I will be far more disappointed in you than you will ever know. Yes, being a complete stranger, you have no obligations to me, but if anything, I want the best for my friends, and the one thing I want most is for them to be happy. If going with the flow is your choice, then so be it. If going against the flow makes you happy, then so be it. As long as you are happy with what you're doing right now, I'm content.
Do not tell me that breaking out of a vicious cycle (conformity, in this case) is impossible, because my dad did it, and he spent the last six months of his life looking back at the 56 years he spent doing it.
If you ever get into any big issues with your family, there's us lot: Jacqueline, Wee Choon, and even the other girls who patronise this blog, whom I've never met or recognised in my life.
Alternatively, just take a long walk around East Coast Park. I find that it clears my head pretty well.